How My Soul Speaks

I love music. Nothing in particular. No specific genre. Just something to soothe me with. I like songs that have actual meaning, rather than some singer screaming about nonsense that I can’t understand or relate to. Maybe I can relate to the screaming nonsense part.

But the lyrics in the songs that describe my mood are my favorites. Whether it is Rock, 90’s, and dear goodness, Country. I find a song or band and listen to them over, over and over again until I know the words and grow tired of it. I haven’t gone through a lot in my life. 

There is a person who said they loved me, didn’t prove it; found songs that described how I felt about that person. I’ve been happy, found songs for that mood too.  I’ve been hyper once; I found loud, obnoxious music. I felt dark and dreary; I found rock songs that I rocked out to. So here are a few songs that I totally love including the lyrics I fell in love with:

Goo-Goo Dolls, Here Is Gone: You and I got something but it's all and then it's nuthin to me, yeah. And I got my defenses when it comes through your intentions for me, yeah.

Jerrod Neimann, What Do You Want: Are you tryin’ to bring back the tears or just the memories? You keep takin’ me back, takin’ me back where I’ve already been. When we hang up it’s like I’m losing you again. Can’t you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me? I get so tired of living like this. I don’t have the time, neither do my friends, to stay up at night, to pull me through, and to find the things to keep my mind off of you.

Gloriana, Over Me Now?: I did what you told me I should do, I stopped wasting my tears and moved on with my life. Now that you've seen me with some one new, that drives you crazy makes you hate me baby. Isn't that right? I hope it was worth it. Sorry it hurts you baby, but you deserve it.

Rascal Flatts, Pieces: I don't want to see you anymore I'm just not that strong. I love it when you're here, but I'm better when you're gone. I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take. There's no use in you looking, there's nothing left for you to break. Baby please release me. Let my heart rest in pieces.

Muse, Time Is Running Out: I think I'm drowning. Asphyxiated.I wanna break this spell that you've created. You're something beautiful, a contradiction.I wanna play the game, I want the friction.

Breaking Benjamin, Dance With The Devil: Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight. Don't you dare look at him in the eye, as we dance with the devil tonight? Trembling, crawling across my skin. Feeling your cold dead eyes, stealing the life of mine. I believe in you, I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies. I won't last long, in this world so wrong.

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul." 

Annihilation

So I just got done rereading The Host. Yes, I reread books. So if you haven’t read The Host yet it’s about the end of human kind.  Here’s the quick synopsis for the book: Melanie "Mel" Stryder is one of few "wild" humans remaining on earth after the invasion.  After "insertion" into a human body, alien souls erase the human occupant and establish a claim over the body and mind. Wanderer is a soul who has lived on eight different planets previously, with Mel being her ninth host body. Upon waking inside her new body, Wanderer is shocked by the power and vividness of human emotions, memories, and senses, and quickly learns that Melanie is not willing to give up the entirety of her mind.

Yeah, it’s kind of a weird sci-fi, alienish book, but it’s good. So it got me thinking about 2012. What if it will truly happen? You know how there are articles that the Mayan calendar stopped on December 21, 2012. Or instead of “souls” invading us, it would be just like The Day After Tomorrow, where there are hurricanes in LA. New York freezes over. Or even better, Zombieland. Everyone is a flipping zombie. It would scare me, not going to lie. I’m a big wuss when it comes to scary movies haha.

Alright, so The Host and 2012, I mean, what if that does happen? Who will survive and go be a rebel? Will I turn into one and let the soul that invaded my body take over or will I fight back like Melanie?

This is why I don’t read books like this! It gets me thinking, me and thinking do not mix. Never, ever.

I haven’t even found the love of my life yet and the world ends in 2012? That’s stupid; everyone should experience what real love is all about, right? And, if the world does end in 2012 (not saying it is because I don’t really believe in that stuff) that means I spent 98% of my life in school. Lovely. I’m still in school! I haven’t even been to Europe yet! The one continent that I have dreamed of going to for the longest time; but it doesn’t matter because my hopes have always been crushed, why should it surprise me now?

It would be scary though, to lose yourself in your own body. To have someone, something, control it other than yourself.

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” Carl Gustav Jung

Dream A Little Dream

I'm the type of person who tries to decipher my dreams, but it's hard because I can never remember my dreams fully or I just remember bits and pieces. But last night's dream was more than bits and pieces. I remember there being snow everywhere on the ground, a winter-like wonderland. I've always wanted a White Christmas, but living where I do, you'd have to go to the mountains to get some powder. So my dream was about snow, then all of a sudden I was inside, standing next to this couple who were sitting down. The lady grabbed my hand and proceeded to look at my palm. I've never had my palm read before. She looked up at me and smiled. "My dear, you will meet someone soon," she said, "someone who will prove you wrong, make you rethink what love is about and change your perspective on how you look at life." Then I had to wake myself up because I didn't want to be late for my class.

Well, to tell you the truth I do hope to meet someone new, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to be flipped 180 just yet. I've been hurt before and I'm in no hurry to get hurt again.

On a different note, in every school that I know of, there's some rule against phones, you either turn it off or put it on silent. However, my teacher answered her phone today in class, it's not as bad as it sounds actually. I was sitting waiting for class to start and her phone rang, she looked at the clock. 2 minutes left until class started. She picked it up to confirm her pedicure. I thought it was funny. Like, really? No one wants to know you get your feet done haha. Also, I went shooting for the first time today, shot my dad's 22 pistol that he had since he was 11 years old. It was fun, I want to go again soon. I of course missed the target quite a few times, but I hit it some too! Who knew a gun can be fun?

"Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you." ~Marsha Norman

Chivalry

So here I am, 21 years old and in school. Something about myself, I'm impatient, I like gum, and I see flaws in myself. Every. Single. Day.

So as you can imagine being negative can be a pain in the rear. As I've read before in articles that confidence is sexy, I agree, it is. But I just can't seem to have any. If you knew how I grew up, being the awkward, nerdy, not-the-most-skinniest, girl. You can just imagine, right? Good. Now lets talk Disney, you'll see where I'm heading into this in just a little bit. Beautiful characters, most unlikely stories, and in the end, a handsome prince, who those lucky princesses get to marry. Lucky them.

Ok, now to the fun part, I don't know if I'm a believer in "The One" just yet, there's no guy that has proven me wrong on that account yet in my personal experience. But I do believe and hope, that there will be someone in my life who I can share my love to someday. I have friends who are in happy, healthy relationships and I am so very happy for them. So my preamble leads to this: the other day I was walking to school, going to my dreaded math class, when I saw a couple walking, hand in hand when the guy stopped, bent down to pick up one, single budding flower from the ground, and give it to his girlfriend. The moral of the story is: hope and patience, what I saw on that beautiful sunny day was great, it gives me hope that someday, that will happen to me. Not now though, which I'm ok with, but someday...

Maybe chivalry isn't dead after all.

"If something is not happening for you it does not mean it's never going to; it just means that you're not ready for it yet."