Terms of Life

I don't know what I did in my past life to deserve the one I have now.

I love my family even though sometimes they get on my nerves. It's normal

I love my best friends. They know everything about me or almost everything.

The one thing in this life I don't care for is the fact that I'm a creature of emotion, yes all us humans are emotional at times. But I feel mine is to the extreme. I fall hard and fast emotionally first. I care, sometimes too much. People can say that's my weakness or my downfall. Another thing I hate about me is being impatient. It sucks. Yes patience is a virtue. Well I'm not getting any younger everyday; I already have grey hair and I'm not sure if that's hereditary, stress induced or well, I don't know, getting older!

I want my life to start already with someone. Someone who I can share things with, see the world, have memories that will be with me forever, take silly pictures that I look back on when I'm 50 years old and turn to my best friend (hopefully a future husband) and say, "what was I thinking?!?! Wearing a thing like that?!?!"

Thinking about this and not being able to have it, it breaks my heart.

Everyday I tell myself that if I have to live this life alone, then so be it. My friends and family will always be there for me. I believe and hope that it would be enough for now...

Dying Breed

It's funny how life really is. Some people treat you better than others. Some, not so much. I think it's rude how I, unfortunately, know some people who treat others better than I get treated. It doesn't bother me...very much. I just think it's unfair and rude of them. What happen to treat people equally or is it just the way people are now? Because really I was brought up way better than some people I know. With actual respect. Which I know, is rare to find. So good luck with that.

I was raised to treat people equally, treat people the way you want to be treated and mean what you say. So, I do treat everyone fairly. As much as I humanly can. How about the way I wanna be treated? Simply. I'll treat you the way you treat me. So if you treat me unkindly, don't ask me why I'm rude to you. See for yourself the way you treat it. I also think it's rude when I get treated poorly and I treat the person who's treating me poorly the way treat me but they get mad at me for it? Um, hello. You started it, I'm just simply following your attitude. So don't get huffy about it. Meaning what you say. Ahh, the million dollar mystery. Do I really mean my insults? Sometimes, but not all the time. But when I say I'll do something, I will do it. Not give some pathetic excuse, such as, 'things change' or my ever favorite, 'it's not like that now'. Well you said you'd promise to do something, but whatever. I guess it's a dying breed when someone says they'll do something but don't. Where has the humanity gone and kept promises gone? Are they just like Disney movies now? Just magic or lies? I'd like to know

Heartless

Some days I feel like the Queen of my Castle, and some days Cinderella. But piss me off, and I will immediately turn into the Wicked Witch of the West.

Sometimes I really want to punch you, but then I realize you have to look in the mirror every day and that's punishment enough.

sweet as sugar...hard as ice...hurt me once...i'll kill u twice

(B) Bold, (I) intelligent , (T) Thoughtful , (C) caring , and (H) Happy, RU? Well i guess not b/c u keep callin me that! soo thank u for noticing, i try hard!

I'm gonna try to be in a good mood. It may work, or it may cause me to go crazy and attack the next person who stares at me funny...

You might think you are all that because you are dating my ex, but I have just one question for you: 'HOW DO I TASTE?'

Asks: What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard covered in blood screaming for help?? 
A: stay calm, reload, and aim better.

B I T C H really stands for- "Boys, I'm Taking Charge Here"

I have a pocket full of 'F*CK You's and have already started passing them out this morning!

I can only please one person per day.... Today is not your day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either.... take a number and join the queue..

Don't worry I'm not jealous when i see you with another girl because i was taught to give my unwanted toys to the less fortunate

i am who i am - and sweety your approval is not needed

I am a woman, not a princess. I have an attitude, opinions, and a very loud voice. I am not a liar or a cheat. I am independent, intelligent, and strong.

The world will continue to try & tell you who you are...until you stand up & show the world exactly who you're gonna be.

Sweetie, the only fan you have, is the one on your ceiling.

Karma's gonna knock u down and I am gonna watch, point, and laugh

They sit there and gossip about me and spread lies like they spread their legs. But I sit back thinking man I've got a fan club, How can I piss em off next?

what pisses you off more? the fact that I'm happy or the fact that you're not?!

If you dont like me remember its mind over matter, I dont mind and you dont matter

When I saw you with that girl, that look you saw on my face wasn't jealousy.
It was simply me trying not to laugh

Table Rock 2011

Desolate

Can you imagine growing up and family and friends tell you that there's someone out there for you? Then you're about to graduate college, and still there's nobody. You wait, wait, wait and wait some more; but, sometimes you have doubts about someone being there for you; maybe he's out there somewhere, thinking of you, but he might be in Europe or in South America vacationing, and you wonder when you'll meet. Next week, next year, 2 years from now or before your 70th birthday.

Your best friends are in a happy and healthy relationships and you are over-the-moon happy for them, but some days you want that kind of happiness too. But not having it kinda makes you hopeless about your own life. You want to be happy, but you don't feel whole without having someone by your side while everyone's life is happening and you're stuck in the same spot for 21 years and you want change.

So here it is, stop. Just stop. Stop thinking about this one person you're meant to be, because if it is meant to be, it will happen. Just wait,. because when you do, it'll be worth it. You'll be happy and know the reason why it never worked out with anyone else. Just live life right now. Be happy with what you've go because other people aren't as lucky to have a family like yours and friends who are supportive and love you for you and nothing more. So live for you, not anyone else. Because when you meet that person, you'll live together, forever. And when that happens, which it will you can tell those Fairytale books to kiss your happy ass

Plastic

There's this huge craze about being perfect and having the perfect body. In reality no one has it, that's why there are gyms, diet pills (which don't work btw) and plastic surgery. Some people want an all natural build, especially for guys, so they go to the gym and work out, build muscle and achieve the way they want to look; either muscly or tone, it's their personal choice. Diet pills, yes I'll confess I did try it when I was in High School. Did they work? No, they didn't. I don't recommend it at all. Plastic surgery, I confess I do want to get some things done. yes I know some friends say I don't need it because I'm pretty the way I am. Bull. I don't see it. I probably have BDD, which won't surprise me with the way I grew up and some put-downs I've had in my 21 years. Anyways, just a few tweaks here and there. My nose, lipo, maybe boobs? I know I don't need boobs right now, but some day when gravity finally does it's work and padded (not very much, like I said I don't need it..yet) and under-wire bras don't help anymore, maybe a nip and tuck might help, it's my body. I'll be careful with the finances, I'll save up, after I buy my camera of course. I won't take out a loan for a boob job. I don't wanna go to the bank and say, 'Oh I I need a loan please for boobs.' Um, no thanks. I'll wait :)

I'm Yours by The Script

You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap your thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
I never feel I'm quite enough 
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You healed these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came my best friend died
My knees went week and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
I never feel I'm quite enough 
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
I know I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours 

Manners: Telephone

Alright, so according to Federal Trade Commission, in July 2009, 270 million people have cell phones, that is 87.4% of the population in the US alone. Imagine how much that statistic has gone up in the past year and a half. Yes having a cell phone is nice and convenient, but there are also people who have terrible manners. I'm not just talking about belching out loud at dinner manners, but phone manners.

 I see people who are at the check out line and are either texting or talking on their Bluetooth while the cashier is standing there waiting to be handed a credit card. It's even worse when I'm hanging out with a friend and s/he are on their phone because they have to "check on something". Um, your "check on something" is taking a few minutes because you're responding to a text. I mean, if you're going to be hanging out with me, why would you be texting someone. If you're texting someone, I don't see the point of hanging out when you're oh-so-busy on your phone. It's just plain rude and inconsiderate.

I know I do it too and I'm a total hypocrite. But I am getting better at it. Some people aren't aware they do it, and it is so annoying. People just need to consider about trying to better themselves about phones and their usage of it. There should be an etiquette class about phones and manners.

Happenings

So let's see. I know I've been slacking with the writing. Finals were terrible and was loaded with homework at the same time. Sooooo, let me just say I'll try to better with this stuff, you know, writing ;)

Alright, let me make it up to you by giving you a few beauty tips I use that work!

-Hair, it comes in all colors, textures and can be straight, wavy, curly and unruly. One thing I use when I leave my hair as is, which means straight and blown out is Jojoba Oil; this stuff is amazing and leaves hair nice and soft with a little bit of shine. Just a little bit (maybe a dime size amount) goes a long way. Apply it on wet hair and either leave to air dry or blow out with a dryer or if you wish you can straighten with an iron. Great for any hair.

-Skin, I have both oily and dry skin, aka-combination. So I use Bare Minerals, amazing stuff. But I suggest to take off make up before bed and wash your pretty skin and apply Witch Hazel for astringent. It's great stuff, doesn't over dry and no amount of oil whatsoever.

-Body, I'm going to be a total hypocrite and say this: you are what you eat. What you put in your body will reflect on the outside. If you eat too much sugar you'll get wrinkles, why? Because a little thing called a glycation, which the sugar in your bloodstream attaches to proteins to form a harmful molecules called advanced glycation end products. And sugar damages collagen, a natural protein in mammals. So if your diet is high in sugar, you not only have to worry about your waistline babe, but also your skin. So eat a high fiber diet and drink lots and lots of water.

-Face mask: I adore face masks. If I can I try to make homemade ones, I do. I suggest about 1/4th plain yogurt, teaspoon of honey and a few drops of lemon juice. Apply, leave to dry and wash. Another one for dry skin is olive oil, yes olive oil; it's not just for cooking but a great moisturizer as well. Apply to clean skin and leave on for about 15 mins, then wash your face again.

So far these are the only tips I can think of. If I had any luck in the love department I'd be giving you advice on that hahaha.

9 Deadly Words Used By A Woman

1) Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you 

need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five

 minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game

 before helping around the house.

3) Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should 

be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5) Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. 

A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is 

wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. 

(Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.

 That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how

 and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

 (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says 

‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. 

DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8 ) Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

9) Don’t worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a 

woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. 

This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s

 response refer to #3
.

"There is no sin except stupidity." Oscar Wilde

My Day

Today wasn't a bad day at all. There was nothing special about it, but it was better than the other days. This is going to sound sad, but trust me, it's not; I promise. Today I came to realize that if I am to live this life alone, so be it. I don't mind it at all. There are so many upsides to this lifestyle: independence, no one nagging you about where you're going, who are you doing it with and when are you coming home? See, it can be a pain to have someone there asking you this, especially if there are trust issues. Not good.

The way I imagined my life is not at all the way it turned out. I thought I'd make the Dean's List. I didn't. I thought that I'd have an apartment or a huge house by the time I'm 22. I do not. I thought I'd have someone who I can hold hands with, kiss and be with whenever we both want to. I do not. I am so okay with this. This is the thing about life, it's unexpected.

There will be things I know I can compromise on later in life, but the one thing no one can take away from me is my happiness. And future kids. Single or not, a fling, not-so-serious relationship or a serious relationship, I am having kids. I will not compromise this. I do not want kids later than 33 years of age. I don't care about the gender, hair or eye color, I just want healthy babies. Two kids, option of a third. Who knows, it all depends.

But there will be some things I'll miss having a significant other. I.e.-someone to come home to, a person who says he loves me for me, a father figure, someone to encourage me when times get tough. But to me these are little things. I didn't grow up with a father, and I'm fine. Truth be told I never much asked who my father was. Someone who'll encourage me, what are best friends for? They can get the job done. A person who says they love me for me, hello, I have family. Someone to come home to, I do want a dog, maybe something medium size like a beagle. See, it's not so bad. I look forward to this.

With this said, I'm not going to close myself off from possible future relationships, not at all. My mind is still open to it actually. What I'm saying is, if it happens, great. If not, then it's great as well. I can't wait to see where this life leads me to and how it turns out.

"Out of respect for things that I was never destined to do, I have learned that my strengths are a result of my weaknesses, my success is due to my failures and my style is directly related to my limitations."

Inconsiderate

Ok, so I'm the type of person that if I can possibly plan things out I would. I like knowing when, what time, what, where and who. That's the type of person I am, I'd like to be as organized as possible. But hey, this is life. Life is messy. So there are also times when spontaneousness happens. I don't mind when that happens, I just mind that people do it all the time, and when I don't feel like doing something, I'm made out to be the bad person. Which is even more fun! NOT!!!!

There are reasons why I sometimes don't like being spontaneous. Number 1: I work, I'm on my feet for hours on end. Number 2: I am tired. If you so badly want to hang out with me, you drive your lazy ass to my house and come get me. Number 3: I'm a college student, school comes first and number 4: I am broke. I'm asking for more hours at work but I won't get those until next week. That's what happens when you're in college, you loose your social life and money. College is a cheap whore, like *insert reference here*.

So if you possibly could in the future, give me 24 hours maximum; 12 minimum, to see if I can hang out with you, I'd greatly appreciate it. Don't make me out to be the bad guy or tell me you found someone to hang out with. Makes you look like a total dick. Thanks :)


"Ignorance and inconsideration are the two great causes of the ruin of mankind." ~ John Tillotson

Speak

So right now in Psychology we're talking about emotions and how we handle it. If we talk about it or not, if we have a pokerface. It really depends on who, what and how my emotion is triggered for me to talk or not talk about my feelings. If something is bothering me or not. How badly it bothers me. I usually, mostly let things just roll off my shoulders, but there are just some things that bother me, and silly me, I talk about it.

There are times that I think if I didn't talk about something that bothered me, if my life would be in a different path. Or I did talk about it, but the outcome was different. Would it had made a small or big difference that I did talk about something that did bother me?

So my psych teacher is also a shrink, and today in class we were talking about emotions and how we handle it. Normally I wouldn't volunteer something about myself in a class that is full of people who I don't know very well. But I was curious about something that has been bothering me, so I asked my question and she said: "You may not like what I'm about to say, but do you want to know?" Of course being innately curious I said yes. So her answer was, "The reason is because you probably see yourself in the problem, is that right or is there something that you can relate to that?" She is good! It's true, I do see myself in the problem and there is some thing that I can relate to.

I don't mind being part of a problem. There are things that I have to know because if I don't, it would bother me to know if the outcome would be different. The thing that really gets to me is the 'what if' in life. Two nonthreatening words, but put them together and they can haunt you. This is why I talk about things that do bother me, because I have to know. No matter the consequence.

Because if I didn't talk about something that bothered/bothers me, I know for a fact, my life would be in a different path right now. But maybe there is a reason why I talk about my feelings when something does bother me and why I'm heading in the path that I'm on now. I'm ok with it, just curious to see where this one road takes me.

"No matter where you go, there you are."

Changes

She's not like that now. She knows better. She knows now that people lie, and promises can be broken as quick as they are made. She understands that she might never be loved, and too quickly good things fly in front of your eyes before you can reach out and grab them . 


She knows that you can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. There isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if you're standing alone for awhile, that's why. Not everything in life comes easy, but when you work the hardest, that's when it's the best. You can't always expect people to care, and even when your best friends stab you in the front, don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for your back. They missed for a reason. She has found out to soon, that in the end, you are your own best friend. Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, its gonna hurt like hell. But you can't stop it. You can't change your fate. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge . 


You don't know what it is and when it happens, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words 'Life' and 'Risk' won't mean anything to you anymore. But don't try and change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on you. And that happens because that's the way it supposed to be. But you'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. But it might catch you off guard and happen sooner .

Reasoning or Fate

I've never given much thought to where I see myself in 10 years. It was always annoying when I gotten that survey in school. "Where do you see yourself in 10 years? High school? College?" "What about a career?" Um, hello? I'm in the 5th grade, how the heck am I suppose to know when all I'm thinking of is getting out at 3:30 so I can go watch a rerun of Catdog.

Fast forward to 11 years later, and bam!!! I'm in college, a few years away from graduating (thank the heavens) I like school and learning, but after 15 years of it, it gets tiring after a while. Like eating the same type of pizza over, and over, and over again. But now that I have my career goal taken care of lets talk about something fun that I've never been lucky about: love.

Sure I see guys who are cute, adorable, intellectual, smart, funny; heck, even all five of those traits. But I don't know if there is even someone out there for me. And I don't even know if I believe in it anymore. I know I'm still young and I haven't been really 'out there' as some people might say, but it's hard to find someone here, especially in a town that is made for retirees, married couples, middle-aged single people. Not for a single, college student. Maybe there's a reason why I'm suppose to be alone in this life. I don't know if I believe in past lives or reincarnation or whatever. All I know for sure right now is I want to enjoy life as much as possible, but it's difficult sometimes when you want happiness like your friends who has someone to love. Or maybe if you learn to love yourself first then someone else will. But then truth be told, you wouldn't hurt yourself when you break off a relationship. Just grab a pint of Ben and Jerry's and put in your copy of your favorite Disney movie and you're good to go. After a few crying sessions of course.

With love there comes a future, oui? Good. So in the future. What's the best possibility that I want to happen for sure? I want to work, a career that I love and I can't wait to start again the next day after I clock out. What's the saying again? It's not a job if you enjoy it, right? So I want to enjoy it, which I know I will, so I'm not complaining on that part. I know I'm a dedicated worker. I give my all and the best I can do. So something that realistically I want to happen is to get married. I know, how shocking. It all really depends on the guy I guess, on the type of wedding I want. The cake. The music. The flowers. Even the dress, sheesh, with all this thinking I don't know if I want to get married anymore (jk).

And with a marriage comes a baby. They're cute. They're adorable. And they're so innocent and happy. There's a naturalness that you have to protect them from all harm. There was and still are some phases that I don't want kids. But really though, I do. I have a few possible names picked out already. Poor babies. I might want two, possible third as an option. It all depends really. I want at least one of each gender. And most important of all, I want them to be happy. What I want in return is a healthy relationship with them. I'd want them to know that they can talk to me about anything they want and they won't get reprimanded for it. I'll give them advice, solicited or not.

I don't know anything anymore. I mean, I can have a happy career with nobody by my side and no kids. I can have a marriage with no kids and still be happy. I can have kids with no partner. Either of those choices can be a great option for me. I'm not very picky with it comes to it, really. But I'd want to have all my career, someone who loves me and a child as my number one goal. So, 10 years later I guess this is where I stand.

"It is my fate and perhaps my temperament to sign agreement with fools." ~E.M. Forster

Year Of The Snake

So there are a few people who don't understand me. So I'd like to clarify how I think so others can understand me better. I don't go by what horoscopes say about me, but some are definitely true. Some are false though, so to understand me, personally better, read on.


According to the Chinese Zodiac I'm a Snake. Fitting, I know. Snakes are charming people, this is true about me; however, I'd have to get to know you before though. See there's this little thing called introvertness, in a nutshell it means I'm quiet and shy around new people or people who I don't know very well. But if I know you well enough, you'll see how I can be charming. Also, Snakes are romantic creatures. Give me a single flower for no reason and I'm happy; I'm not a hard person to please. Snakes trust themselves more than anyone else in fear of getting hurt (too late for me) and we're seldom ever wrong. It's true, you can't win an argument with me, even though Snakes scheme and plot to get what they want. I'm sorry. I only do that when I'm treated unfairly. 


Snakes are passionate lovers, but unfortunately though, we can also be jealous. I hate people who make me jealous on purpose. Makes me want to give then a love pat on the face with a brick. Personally though, it would be unfair to anyone if their significant other is still talking to an old flame, yes? It's unfair to you and to them. Why them? Because they're the one who's holding back a relationship that could be made into something grand. Why is it unfair to you? Because you're in a relationship with someone who's not giving you the attention you deserve and talking to an old flame makes it seem that they're not over them yet. Don't you dare make any excuses. It's just pathetic. Another thing I don't like that is true is I don't like rejection. It's the worst thing that can ever happen to the Snake person. Such people must be received, welcomed, accepted and approved by those with whom they come in contact. Security and reassurance can go a long way for us. 


I like to plan things out, to think about it. I don't mind spontaneity, but I'm busy these days that if people want to hang out with me, give me 48 hours to see if I'm free or not. I don't make decision in a snap, if people ask me what I want to do or want, I usually give an " I don't know" answer. I'm open to ideas and I go with the flow. I'm usually slow at figuring people out but once I do, I'm usually right. When I have an idea of what to and how to do it, I pursue it persistently and energetically. But, lucky for a person who's dating a Snake (haha, that sounds wrong!) is when we're really romantically involved we are also loving and attentive, stimulating and playful, though it takes time to get over the fears of our weaknesses. 


Snakes like communicating and like interesting conversations, although if the conversation becomes repetitive our attention may soon wander. It is almost impossible to fix our attention for long talking about the weather. You can only talk so much about how the cold sucks. Another thing people don't know about Snakes are we're even tempered. But when I get upset, I get upset. Don't tell me to talk about what upsets me because instead of making me feel better, I guarantee you'd be making it worse. Thanks for the help, but no, I'll find a way to get over it. Yes, I know, communication is best, but not in this case. I will communicate with someone if need be.


“I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day.” ~Abraham Lincoln

How My Soul Speaks

I love music. Nothing in particular. No specific genre. Just something to soothe me with. I like songs that have actual meaning, rather than some singer screaming about nonsense that I can’t understand or relate to. Maybe I can relate to the screaming nonsense part.

But the lyrics in the songs that describe my mood are my favorites. Whether it is Rock, 90’s, and dear goodness, Country. I find a song or band and listen to them over, over and over again until I know the words and grow tired of it. I haven’t gone through a lot in my life. 

There is a person who said they loved me, didn’t prove it; found songs that described how I felt about that person. I’ve been happy, found songs for that mood too.  I’ve been hyper once; I found loud, obnoxious music. I felt dark and dreary; I found rock songs that I rocked out to. So here are a few songs that I totally love including the lyrics I fell in love with:

Goo-Goo Dolls, Here Is Gone: You and I got something but it's all and then it's nuthin to me, yeah. And I got my defenses when it comes through your intentions for me, yeah.

Jerrod Neimann, What Do You Want: Are you tryin’ to bring back the tears or just the memories? You keep takin’ me back, takin’ me back where I’ve already been. When we hang up it’s like I’m losing you again. Can’t you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me? I get so tired of living like this. I don’t have the time, neither do my friends, to stay up at night, to pull me through, and to find the things to keep my mind off of you.

Gloriana, Over Me Now?: I did what you told me I should do, I stopped wasting my tears and moved on with my life. Now that you've seen me with some one new, that drives you crazy makes you hate me baby. Isn't that right? I hope it was worth it. Sorry it hurts you baby, but you deserve it.

Rascal Flatts, Pieces: I don't want to see you anymore I'm just not that strong. I love it when you're here, but I'm better when you're gone. I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take. There's no use in you looking, there's nothing left for you to break. Baby please release me. Let my heart rest in pieces.

Muse, Time Is Running Out: I think I'm drowning. Asphyxiated.I wanna break this spell that you've created. You're something beautiful, a contradiction.I wanna play the game, I want the friction.

Breaking Benjamin, Dance With The Devil: Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight. Don't you dare look at him in the eye, as we dance with the devil tonight? Trembling, crawling across my skin. Feeling your cold dead eyes, stealing the life of mine. I believe in you, I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies. I won't last long, in this world so wrong.

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul." 

Annihilation

So I just got done rereading The Host. Yes, I reread books. So if you haven’t read The Host yet it’s about the end of human kind.  Here’s the quick synopsis for the book: Melanie "Mel" Stryder is one of few "wild" humans remaining on earth after the invasion.  After "insertion" into a human body, alien souls erase the human occupant and establish a claim over the body and mind. Wanderer is a soul who has lived on eight different planets previously, with Mel being her ninth host body. Upon waking inside her new body, Wanderer is shocked by the power and vividness of human emotions, memories, and senses, and quickly learns that Melanie is not willing to give up the entirety of her mind.

Yeah, it’s kind of a weird sci-fi, alienish book, but it’s good. So it got me thinking about 2012. What if it will truly happen? You know how there are articles that the Mayan calendar stopped on December 21, 2012. Or instead of “souls” invading us, it would be just like The Day After Tomorrow, where there are hurricanes in LA. New York freezes over. Or even better, Zombieland. Everyone is a flipping zombie. It would scare me, not going to lie. I’m a big wuss when it comes to scary movies haha.

Alright, so The Host and 2012, I mean, what if that does happen? Who will survive and go be a rebel? Will I turn into one and let the soul that invaded my body take over or will I fight back like Melanie?

This is why I don’t read books like this! It gets me thinking, me and thinking do not mix. Never, ever.

I haven’t even found the love of my life yet and the world ends in 2012? That’s stupid; everyone should experience what real love is all about, right? And, if the world does end in 2012 (not saying it is because I don’t really believe in that stuff) that means I spent 98% of my life in school. Lovely. I’m still in school! I haven’t even been to Europe yet! The one continent that I have dreamed of going to for the longest time; but it doesn’t matter because my hopes have always been crushed, why should it surprise me now?

It would be scary though, to lose yourself in your own body. To have someone, something, control it other than yourself.

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” Carl Gustav Jung

Dream A Little Dream

I'm the type of person who tries to decipher my dreams, but it's hard because I can never remember my dreams fully or I just remember bits and pieces. But last night's dream was more than bits and pieces. I remember there being snow everywhere on the ground, a winter-like wonderland. I've always wanted a White Christmas, but living where I do, you'd have to go to the mountains to get some powder. So my dream was about snow, then all of a sudden I was inside, standing next to this couple who were sitting down. The lady grabbed my hand and proceeded to look at my palm. I've never had my palm read before. She looked up at me and smiled. "My dear, you will meet someone soon," she said, "someone who will prove you wrong, make you rethink what love is about and change your perspective on how you look at life." Then I had to wake myself up because I didn't want to be late for my class.

Well, to tell you the truth I do hope to meet someone new, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to be flipped 180 just yet. I've been hurt before and I'm in no hurry to get hurt again.

On a different note, in every school that I know of, there's some rule against phones, you either turn it off or put it on silent. However, my teacher answered her phone today in class, it's not as bad as it sounds actually. I was sitting waiting for class to start and her phone rang, she looked at the clock. 2 minutes left until class started. She picked it up to confirm her pedicure. I thought it was funny. Like, really? No one wants to know you get your feet done haha. Also, I went shooting for the first time today, shot my dad's 22 pistol that he had since he was 11 years old. It was fun, I want to go again soon. I of course missed the target quite a few times, but I hit it some too! Who knew a gun can be fun?

"Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you." ~Marsha Norman

Chivalry

So here I am, 21 years old and in school. Something about myself, I'm impatient, I like gum, and I see flaws in myself. Every. Single. Day.

So as you can imagine being negative can be a pain in the rear. As I've read before in articles that confidence is sexy, I agree, it is. But I just can't seem to have any. If you knew how I grew up, being the awkward, nerdy, not-the-most-skinniest, girl. You can just imagine, right? Good. Now lets talk Disney, you'll see where I'm heading into this in just a little bit. Beautiful characters, most unlikely stories, and in the end, a handsome prince, who those lucky princesses get to marry. Lucky them.

Ok, now to the fun part, I don't know if I'm a believer in "The One" just yet, there's no guy that has proven me wrong on that account yet in my personal experience. But I do believe and hope, that there will be someone in my life who I can share my love to someday. I have friends who are in happy, healthy relationships and I am so very happy for them. So my preamble leads to this: the other day I was walking to school, going to my dreaded math class, when I saw a couple walking, hand in hand when the guy stopped, bent down to pick up one, single budding flower from the ground, and give it to his girlfriend. The moral of the story is: hope and patience, what I saw on that beautiful sunny day was great, it gives me hope that someday, that will happen to me. Not now though, which I'm ok with, but someday...

Maybe chivalry isn't dead after all.

"If something is not happening for you it does not mean it's never going to; it just means that you're not ready for it yet."